


If He Lived

by Katefluff2907



Category: Death in Paradise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-18 19:32:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1440154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katefluff2907/pseuds/Katefluff2907
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in AU. After Richard arrests James Moore and Helen Reid, he has to face his feelings and how much they've changed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Any mistakes are mine I was just wondering how different it would have been if Richard lived. Sorry if it's too short!

Falling back into his chair, Richard was confused. He had just arrested two people- one of whom was an old 'friend'- however he didn't feel much different to how he did on any other case. What scared him more was that he wasn't crying over Sasha's death. Ever since he had left University all he'd been known as was heartless. It was only a year after he came to Saint Marie that he had lost that title. Eventually he started to realise that he wasn't crying because he no longer loved Sasha (after all it had been 25 years). She had stolen enough of his tears was his conclusion. 

Not noticing the worried stares coming from his colleagues, it made him jump when Fidel said 'Well done sir!'  
Camille followed quickly with, "Yes, that can't have been easy." Richard looked up when he heard her voice and was comforted to see her sympathetic smile. Usually he would've told them to leave him be however he knew that they only wanted the best for him. In a way he found it satisfying to know that he had friends. Truth be told he didn't know if he ever wanted to leave.

It was clear to the rest of them that he needed a break. Dwayne shouted across the room, "It's getting late Chief- why don't you head home. It'll be quiet from now on!" And for once in his life- Richard didn't disagree.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camille confronts Richard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the lovely comments on the last chapter! Please let me know if there are any mistakes. Set in AU

Footsteps echoed inside his shack. They were followed with Camille's voice, "I was worried about you."  
Richard straightened his back and took his head out of his hands to see her anxious face. "Why? I only went home early because I was tired!" He snappily replied.   
"It's ok if you're upset Richard. You have just found out that your old friend has died- there'd be something wrong if you weren't sad." Camille tried to be supportive but little did she know how much those last words hurt him.   
"Who says I'm upset?"  
"No-one but I can tell you are."  
"How?"  
"Body- language." A smug smile quickly flashed across Camille's face which made Richards's heart beat faster.   
Quickly getting over the inconsistency in his heart, he fired back a glare and lied about his thoughts, "No one can tell what a person is thinking depending on their body language."  
"I can."  
"I doubt that."  
"We'll have to agree to disagree on that then!" An awkward silence followed their little squabble. Not being able to look into his eye, Camille stared into the ocean outside his shack. Never had anything looked so beautiful in her life. The whispers of the waves cleared her head of all negative thoughts. 'How can he hate this?' She thought.   
Across the room, Richard was asking himself that exact question. It was beautiful here. Everything, the trees, the ocean, everything. He had never felt so happy in his life, in this room with Camille.... 

And then it dawned on him. He knew why he couldn't mourn Sasha fully. He loved Camille. Confusion filled his brain. Truth was everything to him. Camille needed to know the truth. She picked up her bag and said, "I'm leaving now."  
Richard quickly followed with, "Yes... In fact can I ask you something?" He was put off by her concerned stare, "Actually never mind- goodnight!" He would need the confidence first.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard confides in Fidel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in AU. Thank you for all the nice comments on the last chapter let me know if there are any mistakes and please enjoy!

As Richard walked into the station, he was immediately bombarded with questions from the two men that were already there. "Are you feeling better Sir?" Fidel asked.  
"Well... um yes, I think-"  
"Because you seemed quite worked up last night." Dwayne cut Richard off mid sentence.  
"Did I?" Dwayne and Fidel raised their eyebrows at him so he caved, "Well maybe I did. Still, I won't let it get in the way of work. I can assure you I'm fine now it was just a bit of a shock."   
Camille walked in after he said that and he panicked. The last time he thought he was in love was 25 years ago. He couldn't remember how he acted around Sasha whenever she was close.

Instead of politely saying morning like he normally did, he rushed over to his chair without even making eye contact with Camille. He buried his head in his hands so that she couldn't read his face. It then dawned on him that Camille was an expert at reading body language. 99% of the time she was spot on. Where could he hide? Picking up his brief case, he wandered out of the office shouting to his friends, "I'm just going for a cup of tea!" and left them. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After Richard's random decision to go to get some tea, his friends discussed his noticeable change of behaviour since the day before. Dwayne cut to the chase and pointed out the obvious straight away, "Something's not right- I'm telling you!"  
Fidel replied by saying, "I know but how do we help. He's so..."  
"English?" Camille was the only one who dared to use that word to describe the chief. After all he did the same to her every single day.  
Fidel shook his head, "No- I mean he is English but I meant secretive. He doesn't like to have his feelings known and how can we help if we don't know how he feels?"  
Dwayne suggested, "Maybe one of us can try talking to him. You know, get him to open up. Camille?"  
"I think it's a good idea." Camille agreed, "But I think it has to be one of you two."  
"Why?"  
"Do you have any idea how many times I have tried to get him to open up? Me neither. I have used every single one of my tactics and he knows them all and how to avoid them. Maybe it's because I'm a woman?" She shook her head, "I don't know. But it can't be me it has to be one of you two."  
Dwayne quickly added, "Definitely not me!"  
"Oh so that leaves me!" Fidel threw his hands in the air, "Why can't it be you Dwayne?"  
"He'd know something was up. I mean I like the chief but we don't have that much in common besides our job. How would I start a conversation with him?"  
Fidel sighed and nodded his head. He knew that he was the only one fit for the job. Standing up, he went to go and get the chief to reveal his heart.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Richard was sat on the patio outside Catherine's bar. He hadn't ordered anything because he didn't want Catherine to know that he was there. It came as a shock, when Fidel approached him. After a considerable amount of time, Fidel sat down and Richard broke the silence. "I suppose you've come to get me to open up?"  
Fidel replied, "No. I just wanted to see how you were."  
"Camille used that one." Fidel kicked himself for not consulting with Camille the techniques he couldn't use. Richard looked at a very annoyed Fidel and sighed, "I'm really fine. It's just something that I'm going through. Everyone has to go through it at some point I suppose but honestly I will be fine."  
"What are you going through?" Fidel went for the approach of getting to the point quickly. None of the silly 'small-talk'.  
Richard shook his head, "It's nothing for you to worry about Fidel. I'm not trying to be rude but I'd rather keep this one to myself."  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm not sure how much I can trust you." He quickly realised that that statement might cause offence so he added, "It's nothing personal- I just don't trust people easily."  
Fidel assured him, "I swear you can trust me sir. I won't tell them. I'll make up a story about not getting anything out of you."  
As much as Richard wanted to keep this one to himself, he needed to get it off his chest, "You promise?"  
"I promise."  
"Well recently I was wondering why I wasn't upset over Sasha's death. Last night Camille came over to my shack and we started talking and then I realised that I love Camille." There he said it.   
Fidel wasn't expecting that level of honesty. It wasn't as much of a shock that he loved Camille than it was him admitting it. 'Not as closed up as I thought' Fidel said in his head. "Well are you going to tell her? I think she deserves to know."  
Richard scoffed, "God no! I can't tell her. It would scare her away."  
Fidel smirked, "You know what- I think you'd be surprised." And with that he walked away.  
Richard sat alone, those last few words playing on his mind. What did Fidel mean by that? And would he ever find out?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fidel gives a clue to Camille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments on the last chapter. Set in AU

As soon as Fidel left, Richard immediately began to wonder whether it was a mistake telling him. In an ideal world, Fidel would tell Camille, she would love him back and they'd live happily ever after. But Richard's world was far from ideal. Earlier in his life, he had always wished that people would never single him out and he had always hoped that one day he would fit in somewhere. It had taken 40 years for him to settle somewhere that he liked and he wondered whether it would take another 40 years for him to be loved. Richard had never attracted the opposite sex- in fact he repelled them. He had never had a serious relationship and now he was getting to a stage where soon it would be too late. Staring at his phone intensely, he picked it up and dialed a number.  
"Hello?" A voice answered.  
"Hi Angela, it's Richard- I need your help."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Camille and Dwayne simultaneously jumped out of their seats the moment Fidel walked in. "What happpened?" They shouted at him (still in synch).  
"Nothing much. We talked for a bit and then I left."  
"Did he open up to you?" Camille asked, pressing for more information. The look in her eye confused him. It had so much depth to it. Her concern for Richard was obvious but if you looked closely, you could see that there was more to it than that.   
Fidel debated with himself for a moment, wondering whether to tell the truth or not. 'It's not fair to her. 'She has a right to know and then she can make up her mind' one side argued. The other side fought back 'If you tell her, then you lose the chief's respect. After everything he's done for you. Looking after Rosie, promoting you to Sergeant, he doesn't deserve this'. But there was a comeback from his less professional side 'You know she likes him' he told himself 'You know what will happen if she finds out. She'll say yes, he will become the happiest he has ever been and you and Dwayne will never have a dull day'.

While this war was going on inside his head, Camille and Dwayne started to lose patience. "Just spit it out man!" Dwayne shouted.   
Fidel jumped at the interupption and shook his head, "No! I don't think I should tell you!"   
"Why not?" Camille tilted her head and folded her arms. Something wasn't right.   
"I made a promise and it would be wrong to go back on it!"  
"So he did open up to you?" Dwayne queried. Fidel had no response for his question. "He did didn't he?" Fidel just nodded.  
"So why can't you tell us? Is it about us?" Camille followed with another question. Another nod. Fidel couldn't seem to lie, it was against his nature.   
"Me?" Another question from Dwayne. Fidel shook his head rapidly. "Camille?" A firm nod this time.  
Camille was confused, "I don't understand. This morning he ran out the office when I came in- like he was trying to avoid me. Whenever I try to talk to him he squirms uncomfortably."  
Dwayne was as equally confused but closer to figuring it out, "I know. The last time I saw a man act like that was when Fidel first realised he was in love with Juliet.... oh." Camille gasped but Dwayne's face lit up into a cheeky grin, "Oh Nice!"

She had expected to feel awkward. Maybe even feel sick with embarassment. But she didn't. Instead she looked up nervously at the other two and beamed.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Richard waited nervously outside Catherine's bar. Why on Earth had he called Angela? He didn't even like Angela! Maybe he could escape....

Oh no! She had spotted him and waved with a big grin on her face. He thought to himself 'Oh well done you fool! Now she will get the wrong impression'. All he had wanted to do was seek the advice from someone who had been in love and had told the person that they loved them. Angela was the only person he knew that had done this.... Dammit! Fidel had also done it. He also had had a good opportunity earlier that day to talk to Fidel. He was such a fool.   
"Richard!" Angela exclaimed. "When you arrested James and Sasha- Helen! Sorry my mistake. I thought I wouldn't see you again but here you are and you even call-"  
"Angela," Richard stopped her before she could carry on, "I'm very sorry if I've given you the wrong impression. I am not here because I want to go on a date with you. I just need your advice." He could see that he had dampened her spirits and guilt faintly rushed through him, "But it is nice to see you again." That didn't lighten her up much. She thought that he had wanted to give things a try with her but he hadn't. Having her heart broken again was not something that she had wanted. 

Trying to get this over with quickly, Richard asked her, "You remember when we were in our third year at University?"  
Angela pondered for a bit, "Yes why?"  
"That was the year you told me how you felt?" He was definitely going to hell after this conversation.  
Hesitantly she answered, "Yes."  
He struggled to get the next few words out, "Can you tell me- how did you feel after you said it? Was it better that you knew it wouldn't work but had tried?" He saw the confused expression on her face. 'I doubt you will need to worry about her in the future- this conversation will cure her crush' he smirked in his head.  
Wondering how to go about answering the next question, she chose her words carefully, "It hurt me when you told me you didn't want me. A broken heart is worse than any broken bone. But it did make me feel better. I felt as though I could try and get over you know that I knew. I was rubbish at getting over you but I'm a lot weaker than the rest of you."  
He nodded sternly, "Right. Thank you. I've got to go now, goodbye."  
"Maybe I could call you?" Her eager expression made him sigh. It would take a lot to shake her off.

He thought about what Angela said as he walked. Eventually he decided that Camille should know. What could he lose? 'A lot actually- but it will be worth it' he told himself. Camille's voice reached his ears from the distance. Turning around to face her, she smiled at him and raised her glass. Maybe he would find out sooner than he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream come true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Thank you for the nice comments before and please let me know of any mistakes

Richard woke up in a daze. Struggling to get up, he rubbed his hair frantically and tried to remember as much as he could about the previous night. He recalled making a deal with himself about Camille. The way she smiled at him last night made his heart flutter. Lost in his daydream, he was oblivious to Fidel walking towards him.   
"Morning Sir!" Fidel cheerfully said. Richard jumped out of his skin whenever any of his colleagues talked to him while he was mid-dream but today he was even more surprised. Fidel spoke again before he could pull himself together, "So.... did you have a nice evening?" There was an edge to Fidel's voice which made Richard suspicious. No matter how early in the morning it was, or even if it was his day off, Richard was always in a detective frame of mind. His ears were very sensitive to changes in pitch, volume and shakiness. This was a point proven to the rest of his team ages ago; when Solly, lead singer of Dwayne's favourite band, was killed. He detected a single wrong note which lead him to find the killer.

Fidel was shaking inside his brain. What on Earth had he been thinking telling Camille what Richard felt about her? On top of that, Dwayne had been there too! Dwayne could never keep a secret even when it was vital. Last year, he told Fidel what Juliet had been planning on getting him for Christmas and it was him that told Juliet that Fidel liked him. The Juliet thing worked out luckily but maybe this wouldn't. The Chief and Camille were very different people. If it ended up with a split, it would put everyone through pain. Working with each other would become too awkward and eventually, one would leave. He had really not considered the consequences of his actions. 

While Fidel was busy fretting, Richard began to think about what could bring on this change of mood. Yesterday he seemed just fine. Usually, Fidel was very calm. It was very out of character for him to be sweating and shaking. "Fidel, is everything ok?"   
Fidel struggled to answer with an even voice, "Is anything wrong with me? No! What about you? You seemed really worked up yesterday."  
"I think I'm better," Fidel's heart stopped. What did he mean by better? Was he over Camille? Fidel really hoped not. He had gotten her hopes up and now... "I spoke to Angela last night." Fidel's anxiety turned to anger. That is how he got over Camille. By hooking up with someone else. That was just immoral.  
Fidel began to express his opinion, "You and Angela? But..."  
Richard interuppted him, "No, not me and Angela. I simply asked her for her advice and I came to realise that I should just tell Camille."  
Relief swept over Fidel. Phew! Then the excitement came, "That's great Sir, she'll be thrilled that you are going to act..."  
"Wait! You mean that she already knows?"  
Fidel felt his face drop, "Umm... maybe."  
"How did she find out?"  
"Because maybe I told her."  
Richard couldn't get angry at his honesty. It was one of the qualities that made him look up to a Fidel. "Well I'm glad you told me before I go and make a big speech. Just remind me never to trust you again in future." And with that Fidel nodded and left to give Richard privacy.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Camille had gotten into the station extra early that morning. She asked Fidel and Dwayne to come in later in order to give Richard a chance to ask her out. Some time later, she heard his distinct footsteps and buried her head in her work. "Morning sir," she mumbled.  
"Morning Camille," Richard looked oddly at her and came to the conclusion that he would do some work first. 

An hour went by and Richard still showed no signs of asking her out. Camille began to grow impatient. Eventually she just sighed and fustratedly said, "Why won't you just do it?"  
Richard looked up in confusion, "Do what?"  
"Ask me out."  
He gulped and said calmly, "Well..."  
"Well what? There's no one here. I know you like me. So what's the problem?"   
"I wasn't going to do it so directly."  
"Directly?"  
Trying to get his point across, Richard explained, "I was going to drop a few hints and then see if you were interested. It is the more polite way."  
Camille cut in, "You mean English way."  
"No- polite way."  
"Ok whatever." Sighing again, Camille realised that she was putting him off. Standing up, she walked over to his chair and spoke, "Look, I don't mean to be rude. It's just fustrating. I like you too you know and I want to get on with it. I'm more 'direct' than you."  
"So you'd be interested?"  
She smiled, "Of course. I think we should try."  
"It would be worth it?"  
"Almost certainly." She grabbed hold of his hand and to show that it would be worth the try.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

6 years later.  
Richard cradled the young being in his arms. She was the most beautiful being he had ever seen, joint with her mother (who was resting in the next room). 'Eleanor' was her name, meaning light. This tiny girl was the light in his life. He thought back to 6 years ago and knew it was worth it. Now he had something to live for, a family.


End file.
